Domestic Violence candlelight vigils: to honor the fallen victims and celebrate survivors

NEW SONG!! (Lyrics below)

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”-- Maya Angelou

An hour or so after it began, the vigil was ended.

Peggy Panagrossi, Executive Director of Safe Haven of Greater Waterbury, stands with a volunteer as she extinguishes one candle in memory of someone who was killed at the hands of their abuser.

Upside down purple and white candles sat in sand inside a purple satin lined bucket tied with a black ribbon, on a table at the foot of the cathedral's altar. People were invited to look at each of the exhibits defining the devastation and meaning of Domestic Violence: The Empty Place at the Table, (the family member who will no longer be eating with the family)  the Clothesline Project (image below) (survivors of all kinds of abuse write letters to the perpetrator on tee shirts to display emotion,)

the 74 pairs of children's shoes lined up the church aisle (each pair of shoes represents the number of children in the past year, seeking shelter with their moms, as they were leaving abusive husbands or boyfriends.)   

We were packing up our musical equipment and several people were scattered about in conversations, when one woman came up to talk to me.
 
"Are you a survivor, too? She asked. My name is (name witheld) and I work for this center."

"Yes, I am. Ten years." I respond. Ten years! Every time I think of that mile marker, I am excited... and humbled.

"Well.... those songs you wrote and sang tonight? I felt like you were talking to me." and I watched her eyes  redden as tears slid down her cheeks and she was crying and I could tell she had been crying only moments before, too.

That was the most kind thing anyone could have told me about my project. I was instantly warmed,feeling so blessed to have this opportunity to touch others.Thank YOU. I wanted to cry now,  myself.

"DO you have a CD?" ( The famous question!:)

"Not my own, not yet, but I do have three of my songs on a CD (the Thriver Workbook companion CD)  that you can find out about ordering on my website, if you'd like."

There is a song I wrote, as I often do specifically for the event I am presenting at. Music is a way to move people and what better way to move them than through the words they want to hear in any particular moment.

I will post the lyrics below, but no, the song is not yet recorded yet, sorry!

There was a quote I came across at another vigil: "If we only had to light one candle, so many lives would not be shattered."  At the DV vigil, volunteers line up with a candle to extinguish the flame in a bucket of sand as each victim's name was called. Each year, the number of names called is different. This year it was 24. Twenty- four victims that died of the hands of their abuser is too many, don't you think?

"One Candle"
I never knew her, but I heard her name called tonight.
I never knew him, but now I know how he died
and I think that I just realized


Sometimes we lose the battles we choose and sometimes we survive
It doesn't seem fair, but candles and  lives somewhere are still burning bright

and each flame goes out for each name called tonight


Don't hold back the tears, allow them to fall
We can't take back the years, but we can remain grateful


I never met you, but I bet you're a survivor
Maybe it was secret, but you found your way through these doors
Your life today is better than it ever was before


Don't hold back the tears, allow them to fall
We can't take back the years, but we can remain grateful

I want to imagine what heaven must be like
Do pearly gates open to wisdom, love and light
confusion spins within and I wonder--


I want to imagine that someday we'll see change
one candle will be lit and we wouldn't be calling out any names

C. 2011 Vanessa Stevens/Purple Song Project


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