10 Ways to Build Resilience**

“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.”
Bern Williams


I opened a fortune cookie years ago that read: 
"No need to worry! You will always have everything you need." 

It was just a fortune cookie, a silly little paper inside an individually packaged crumbly low-cal cookie at the bottom of my empty Chinese take out bag. These words have become a silent mantra for my own emotional resilience.

In my life, I have often not received what I wanted but I've always received what I needed. The lessons and sometimes pain have helped me to grow as a human being.

Also, I'm in the entertainment business where there is a lot of rejection and so I have learned to develop a thick skin, and that's one type of resiliency.



Resiliency is defined as.
The quality of being resilient, the ability to bounce back into shape, position, etc.
the ability to recover strength, spirits, good humor, etc.

  I looked up some quotes on the topic and found several. Here's my favorite:

  "The oak tree breaks whereas the bamboo bends"

 Nothing more clearly examples this quote for me and for my band what has happened the last few months.

After ten years with no major shakeups, a few months ago the seven-person cover band I sing with lost three of its members. The reason is still a mystery but  it may have have been a lack of interest in some members to head in our new direction musically.

 I'm still surprised there was no notice given. I've heard of musicians giving as much as 6 months notice of leaving. A singer we know in sister band of ours, found out she was pregnant but actually stuck around for several months to help find and work with her replacement for several months before going on her maternity leave.

There is no "I" in team.
We have one of our busiest summers ever and only half a band was left standing.

Our guitarist switched over to keyboards (he can play both guitar and keyboards,) we hired a new guitarist and as we looked for singers, I was singing songs I'd never sung before. Or as we'd give our fill in vocalists my songs to sing, I'd have to re-learn the back ups and on top of that learn brand new leads.

Songs that we'd done for years suddenly had to be learned all over again, different parts. From reaching out  trying new people and working with fill ins, we all  got to discover the wealth of talent that is out there and we've only grown in our group strength since each band member has only bended, out of necessity and in every possible direction.


So, how can resilience benefit a survivor?
Resilience is the ability to adapt with change and expect the unexpected. When life turns upside down and everything becomes uncomfortable we tend to want to go back to where we felt comfortable, even if it was dysfunctional and in our gut we knew we were wrong.

"10 Ways to Build Resilience"
The American Psychological Association suggests: 


(1) maintaining good relationships with close family members, friends and others;
 Try to schedule a coffee/walk/ lunch with a friend weekly if possible.

(2) to avoid seeing crises or stressful events as unbearable problems;
If you have to think in baby steps, journal, take deep breaths and accept loss and change as opportunities to grow into a better person.

(3) to accept circumstances that cannot be changed;
and remember if we bend, we won't break.

(4) to develop realistic goals and move towards them;
 Baby steps...

(5) to take decisive actions in adverse situations;
Even doing nothing is a chosen action.

(6) to look for opportunities of self-discovery after a struggle with loss;

(7) developing self-confidence;
Ever heard the expression "Fake it till you make it?" It works!The more you do something, especially under pressure, the easier it becomes and  you gain confidence for next time.

(8) to keep a long-term perspective and consider the stressful event in a broader context;
the big picture is finding the hidden lesson in sometimes the worst possible situation

(9) to maintain a hopeful outlook, expecting good things and visualizing these good things happening

(10) to take care of one's mind and body, exercising regularly, paying attention to one's own needs and feelings and engaging in relaxing activities 
Two words: Self care



From presentations with technological problems to life's little mishaps, wouldn't it be great if we could all let problems "slide like water off a duck's back?" Would any of the tips above help you to feel resilient?

**Thank you for your understanding! Blog posts are normally published on Mondays.

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